Why Wait?

Yesterday I went to a memorial service for a colleague on campus. I didn't know him well, in fact I had only met him once three years ago. Yet his sense of humor and personality left a lasting impression.

He left behind many friends who miss him dearly. They spoke so well of him and shared stories about the time they had spent together. It reminded me of Mike's memorial service when people I didn't know stood and spoke of the kindness and generosity he shared with so many.

I realized that people always speak well of those who have passed on, remembering the good that they have done and the lives they have touched. Everyone has this goodness in them. We shouldn't wait until they are gone to let them know. I want to make sure that the people I know are thanked for their kindness now, that they know how much they mean to me and that they are loved and appreciated. Why wait? You never know when it might be too late.

Don't Look Down

I had a wonderful dream two nights ago. I dreamt that I was crossing a wide bridge. It was more like a boardwalk, made of wood that had been painted white. Below me was the ocean which was calm and a beautiful blue. Above me, the sky was a brilliant blue with puffy white clouds. The bridge was somewhat dilapidated with boards missing. If you looked down you could see the water below. There were many people crossing, but they didn't seem concerned about the condition of the bridge. I was afraid a misstep would make me fall into the water below and I started to lower down to crawl. My brother, Mike, was with me. He took my hand and told me not to look down, but to focus ahead and just walk. With his warm hand in mine, we crossed safely to the other side.

Later in the same dream, I was at home on the couch snuggling with Dave. Someone came down the stairs and it was Mike. I was so happy to see him, but I was confused. Mike died 10 years ago. In my dream he lived with us, but I wasn't sure where he slept since we don't have another bedroom. I was concerned that we didn't have a space for him. He smiled and said he sleeps where ever he finds room. He let me know that he is always here, whenever I need him. He was very happy.

I woke up feeling secure and hopeful that everything is going to be okay. I keep as my mantra, "don't look down". I think he was telling me not to be paralyzed by fear, but just to move forward and that things will turn out fine and we'll be safe on the other side.

Kick in the Pants

I have a wonderful life. I feel blessed by both the challenges I face and gifts I receive. I've learned not to take things for granted, because they can change in a heartbeat. Things are always changing, but often the changes are subtle and gradual.

This latest change has been swift and dramatic. A bit too dramatic for my taste, but so it goes. Someone I love very much is dealing with a serious health issue. I'm used to it being me. I know how to handle it being me. This is new to me, so I'm learning a new role.

The blessing is that it puts things in perspective. Little things are just that. Time and good health are precious. I try not to waste either one. My birthday was last month. I don't dread getting older. I'm just grateful I made it this far.

Stupid Flu

I always think I'm going to make it out of this season without getting sick. Most of the time I do well. I wash my hands often. I try to avoid touching my eyes, nose or mouth. I get a lot of rest and avoid people who are sick. Somehow I think this will protect me from the dreaded viruses that abound.

This time I didn't see it coming. I felt great. I've been exercising every day, eating well, feeling strong and healthy. I woke up on Thursday at 3:00 am with a sore throat. I was in complete denial thinking I had left the heater on or some such thing. I got up to drink some water and went back to bed. By the time I got up 4:20 to get on the treadmill, I was a goner.

I still stayed in denial, thinking if I stayed home and slept all day I would be fine. I had plans that weekend that I had been looking forward to. Friday, we were going to see my nephew and his girlfriend, two of my favorite people. Saturday we were having lunch with Dave's folks. Sunday I was going to the movies with my sister. The flu didn't care. It just laughed and made my temperature soar, my head throb and my head and chest congest. Stupid flu.

After five long days in bed, I'm feeling better. My back aches from laying around too much. The muscles in my legs are going soft from lack of exercise. However, I can finally breathe without taking Nyquil. Nyquil causes strange, vivid dreams.

If the Avian flu ever does materialize, I'm no longer so confidant I can avoid it. Maybe I should start wearing a mask like Michael Jackson.

To Your Love

Fiona Apple
November 26, 2005
Wiltern Theater, Los Angeles, CA

People often describe Fiona Apple as crazy. If it takes being crazy to be as authentic and talented as she is, then so be it. However, I don't think she's crazy at all. I think she's honest, brilliant and true.

I have been a fan for years. Each song on 'Tidal' and 'When the Pawn...' ranks high in my iTunes playlist. I rank each song to make playlists based on my favorites. She always makes my 4 to 5 star list. I waited with much anticipation for her third album to be released. I heard the rumors about Sony refusing to release it. I downloaded the early leaked releases when I could find them, frustrated that I could not buy them. I still prefer the leaked version of Extraordinary Machine to the studio version. Maybe because I'm more familiar with it. But more than that, it seems more authentic and raw. "Get Him Back" has become one of my favorite songs. The early mix is primal, simple and passionate.

I bought tickets for the Wiltern show the moment they went on sale. Somehow I still managed to get seats in the last row in the house. We were able to sit, however, so that was fine. (Ticketmaster sucks.)

She opened with "Get Him Back". She sat behind the grand piano, barely audible on the first few words. She quickly found her voice and sang strong and true. She talked between songs, but at times it was difficult to make out what she said as the crowd screamed their adulation. She introduced "Shadow Boxer" as a song she meant, very much. She then began the next song, "To Your Love" admitting she made a mistake in the set list and this was the song she meant. She seemed to be apologizing for her absence, yet also asking to be accepted for who she is.

Now you have it, so baby tell me what’s the word?
Am I your gal, or should I get out of town?
I just need to be reassured
Do you just deal it out, or can you deal with
What I lay down?
Please forgive me, for my distance
The pain is evident in my existence
Please forgive me for my distance
The shame is manifest in my resistance
To your love, to your love, to your love

As the show progressed she came out from the piano, taking off her small sweater to show off a blue backless floor length gown. Her confidence grew with each song and she seemed to be enjoying herself immensely. I wasn't sure how strong of a performer she would be, and I was pleasantly surprised. You would never know she has been on hiatus for years.

This woman was born to create music and perform. I hope that this time she enjoys the journey and continues to make music. She is a gift and I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to see her perform.

Thanksgiving

I love this time of year. Maybe it's because there are so many holidays in November. Maybe it's because there are birthdays of loved ones to share. But I think the main reason is because I love Thanksgiving.

I love to cook, so that is part of it. However, it is the sentiment behind the holiday that I like the best. Thanksgiving is not particularly religious, nor is it plagued by the consumerism of Christmas. It is just about getting together with people you love, eating good food and being thankful.

So no matter how you celebrate, take some time to be thankful for the things you have, for the things you've learned, and even for the challenges you've faced. Be grateful to be alive, because as long as your are still breathing there is still hope.

Happy Thanksgiving

Love,

Syl

New Artist Web Site

I've been working for the past few weeks on a Web site for a friend, Jon Ng. It was by far the easiest job I've done because he knew exactly what he wanted. He actually made story board drawings of the home page and the detail pages. Very cool.

Jon's a painter that I met at Cal State Fullerton in an advanced painting class. He was a graduate student at the time. I always loved his work. Recently Dave and I bought one of his older paintings. We really love his early figurative work and were lucky to get one from that series.

:: http://www.jonng.net