Tough Decisions

We had a hard weekend with Kiggy. I tried to give her the bronchodilator Dr. Bass prescribed but she wouldn't take it with food, she ate around it. I tried to pill her but she refused to open her mouth. She had amazing strength and I didn't want to force her as she was becoming agitated and her breathing was already labored.

She later hid downstairs in the bathroom, tucking herself in between the toilet and the wall. We weren't sure she would make it past morning as she was not eating much, maybe a teaspoon of food per day, and not moving out of her spot.

It's difficult because she seems to get better and then slide back down. But it is all relative. Getting better means that she moved from one spot in the house to another, that she ate a little more food. But in reality it's a slow decline, her breathing labored and her cough returning.

Dr. Bass called on Sunday to check on her. We told him how she was and he asked if we were able to get any of the medication into her. I said no and explained why. He said he would call to find a compound pharmacy who could make a liquid version. I decided to try to crumble the pill in some peanut butter, which she used to love. She actually ate the peanut butter that night, which we were happy about.

The medication seemed to help some. Monday morning she seemed a bit better, her breathing was still labored but her appetite had improved. She even ate some dry food. She spent part of the day laying in the sun out in our enclosed atrium. But after the sun got too warm, she moved back upstairs and hasn't moved much since.

I can only get her to eat a teaspoon or so of food per day. She's wasting away before our eyes, the once rotund Kiggy now skin and bones. Her rib cage moves quickly in and out as she tries to get more oxygen into her lungs. She's mostly alert though agitated and she no longer likes being petted. She tries to move out of the way of our hands which just makes it harder for her to breathe. So we only pet softly on her head, once maybe twice before she gets fidgety.

The last test results came back as inconclusive. There is no discernible infection and we have no mode of treatment. I can't bear to see her like this. This isn't my Kiggy. We decided to euthanize her, most likely tomorrow. Dave had to call because I can't talk about it without crying.

This is harder than I thought it would be. I will miss her but want her to have some peace.